Thursday, June 11, 2015

Mommy Thoughts

      Yesterday was the first day of school for Audrey. I had chosen a class that started at noon time instead of the all too popular early morning class that most parents prefer for their kids. I just figured it would cause me less stress and rushing. Or so I thought.
     For some reason, I was out of my element yesterday. I prepared Audrey’s clothes and things the night before, but a lot of things were going on at home in the morning. The kitchen sink needed to be fixed, my accounting documents needed to be prepared and picked up, and I had to get ready as well. I don’t know where the time went but it sure went by pretty fast.
     Before I knew it, we had to leave. And leave quickly so we can be a bit early if not on time. We hurried into the van, and as I was backing up, I bumped the car behind me! And I did this even with the sensor warning me! I just didn’t seem to hear it, but I sure felt it. I stopped and opened the door, hoping that there wasn’t any damage. And thank God there was none! Whew! That was way too close!
     As soon as I saw that the coast was clear and there was no problem with both our bumpers, I moved right along and drove to school. The girls were their usual jolly selves and whenever I would be driving a bit faster would say, “Careful mommy, you might bump a ca-ar!” in a sing-song joking way. And then they would giggle! I can’t help but laugh. In the midst of a stressful morning, here I am with two little girls who just make me smile. This little joke went on and Natalie even told me, “Watch out Mama, you might bump the trees!” haha! Now don’t worry, I haven’t been driving like a mad max driver, but I did drive a little faster than the average. Just ‘cause I didn’t want us to be late (thanks to the bumper incident).
     Sometimes I ask myself if I’m doing this right – I try my best for Audrey to be on time or early, but at times I fail. Although we are not perpetually late, just occasionally (haha), I just wish we would always be early. There are just so many distractions along the way.
     And when we got to school yesterday, we found out that some of her old classmates were moved or have chosen the earlier classes. And then I asked myself, should I have chosen the morning class too? So she can start early and end by noon? Ugh. Sometimes these questions in my head never end.
      I chose the later class so that I can prepare both girls with ease and feed them well in the morning. I knew that we won’t be able to do much when Audrey gets home in the afternoon but it just seemed like the more practical choice since we don’t have household help for half the week. I would have to do most of the cooking and cleaning. I guess I just don’t want to feel rushed.     
      I know I should also be thankful that I do have options – that I can work from home and set my own work schedules. I shouldn’t compare my situation with others. The best thing for me to do now is embrace my choices. Enough with the mommy guilt and uncertainties and move on. Nobody’s perfect and I sure am not. I just need to be more aware of our schedule for the day, try my very best at what I do and make sure I don’t bump into any more cars next time! :D

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